Confessions

The year 2012, I am convinced, is going to be a GOOD year. Scratch that, it’s going to be a GREAT year. I have decided to open up the year with a very soul-searching entry. I am going to list 10.5 things that you may or may not know about me. The majority of you probably do not know any of this and it’s a huge step for me to actually publicize it so that others can read it. I don’t really like to show weakness or vulnerability, so this is a big deal for me. Read it or don’t. It’s ok. I’m doing this one for me.

The following is a list of confessions, revelations, resolutions, and a little insight to all of it. That pretty much covers it. It is like a New Year’s resolutions list on steroids. J I would NEVER have done something like this had it not been for this Spanish adventure. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and thinking. I’ve put a lot of things into perspective and I’ve started to look at life in a different way. Spain, among other things, has contributed to this change for me. Whew… Ok… Here we go… (in no particular order of importance)

1. I can sing. Ok, so I’m starting out with something small and maybe not a big deal to any of you. It’s not even a big deal to me, really. I used to sing when I was younger and even did a little bit of the show choir thing in college, but I never even had real confidence in myself then. There were so many other people that were just SO good that I couldn’t hold a candle to their skills. None of you will ever hear me sing, haha, I like to keep my talents to myself. I don’t tend to give myself any credit or compliments. My self-confidence is really low. So, what lies behind this confession is just giving myself a little boost of confidence by giving a little self-praise.

2. My family & my friends are the most important thing to me. So this one may be an obvious thing and something that everyone says, but that doesn’t make it any less true to me. It’s how I feel. And, if I were ranking these confessions, this one would be number one without a doubt. I would be nothing and nowhere without my family and friends as my support system. I’ve met some incredible people along this journey they call life and am so incredibly grateful for each one of them. My family is kind of stuck with me, I suppose, but I couldn’t have asked for a greater set of people to be stuck with. There’s no such thing as perfect, so the saying goes, and my family is far from it, but it works. Dysfunctional functionality at its best. I heart it. And I heart you, family & friends! J

3. Turns out, I’m a romantic. In my time of reflection, I have dug deep into what I believe that I really want out of life. What do I want to be when I grow up? I get asked a variation of that question all the time, as many people do. Truth is (and this is a big admission on my part), I want to be in love and have a family. I want to love someone with my whole heart and have them love me just the same in return. That’s what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t need money or fancy things, I just want to be a part of something great. And what is greater than a family? I cannot believe that I am admitting this to the world. I hope I have the guts to push “Publish Post” at the bottom of this entry. Now, I do want to be clear. I am not hunting for Mr. Right. And I don’t necessarily need to find this person right now or anytime soon for that matter, but just admitting that it’s something I want out of life is a big deal for me. I have just always tried to be tougher and pretend like I don’t need these things. Truth is, there’s nothing more important in life.

4. 2012 is about ME! I don’t know if you’ve heard yet or not, but 2012 is about ME. J HaHa! What I mean by that is, I plan on focusing on myself and making ME a better person. I want to spend more time thinking about what is important to ME and making those things a reality, if possible. This includes such things as making ME a more healthy person; physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. I need to work on ME. I need to be honest with myself about everything and not be fearful of others reactions. After all, it’s about ME, not them. J I want to become more confident in ME, myself, and I. I don’t expect perfection and I expect to stumble along the way. I may even fail at times, but in the end, I will fail my way to success.

5. Honesty and loyalty are the most important qualities a friend of mine can possess. I can get down with any type of personality and I can understand and respect the views and opinions of anyone, even if I don’t agree. I am the type of person that, for my family and friends, will go to whatever lengths needed. I like to see my family & friends happy. If I expect my friends to be honest and loyal to me, then you can expect me to be the same in return. I don’t claim to be perfect, but I will be the best friend I can be. I also don’t expect my friends to be perfect and all relationships have bumps in the road. It’s the friends that ride out the storms that are worth keeping. Prior to leaving for Spain, I had the realization that this move will probably bring out who my real friends are. I knew that there would be people I’d lose touch with because, quite simply, life happens and there’s nothing you can do about it. Everyone is living their lives at their paces and sometimes, they just don’t match up with your own. I understand that and I accept that once I am done with this adventure, I may not have the closeness that I once thought was there between some of my friends. And it’s ok. We shall see what happens at the end of this trip, but right now, I am just enjoying the ride. J

6. Happiness and positivity make the BIGGEST difference. I’m beginning to realize how negative I used to be. I used to be pretty negative about many aspects of my life and because of that, I was always unhappy. I didn’t know it, though. The reality of it, anyway. I knew I had bad days and I knew I didn’t take some things very well, but I never saw how truly unhappy I was making myself. Until now. Until this experience in Spain. I’ve been able to really focus on myself and the results are amazing to me. I can’t believe I allowed myself to be so negative. It had a lot to do with my surroundings and situations I was placed in, but I still could have tried a little harder not to let it affect me like it did. I’m not going to promise to have great days every day, but I will promise that I’m going to try to be much more positive about every aspect of my life. I firmly believe that positive thoughts and positive energy will affect me in more ways than I can count. I’m obviously not the most in-shape person, but my small change in attitude has already helped me lose weight and I wasn’t even trying! Imagine the results if I put a little effort into it! And I want to be more vocal about these changes and positive things. I need to give praise where praise is due. So, here’s to an AWESOME 2012!

7. I am a country girl. So, this might be an obvious statement. Many of you (if any are still reading) know this about me and would not be surprised, but let me elaborate. Obviously, I am from the country. I’ve worked cattle, ridden horses, driven tractor, etc. I will always technically be from the country. However, when I say “I am a country girl,” I mean it more in the sense that it’s who I am. Many of the values I have now are because of how and where I was raised. I used to be so annoyed (probably goes back to that negative stuff I mentioned) about having to help work cattle or tamp fence posts. I never got really into the outdoorsy stuff like my brothers either. I know my attitude and some life situations contributed to my thought process, but now that I’m older, I appreciate the Cook Ranch more than ever. I always hear that, “You’ll appreciate it more when you’re older.” So true. I come home now and I don’t want to leave the ranch. I have started getting into the ‘country’ thing and enjoying activities that I could have been enjoying far longer in my life. I LOVE to shoot guns. And, I’m not that bad of a shot. HaHa, I love the smell of gunpowder. J I love to ride 4-wheelers and fish. I don’t mind getting dirty or muddy and camping isn’t an idea that turns me off. There is nothing better than a thunderstorm on the ranch. It is one of my favorite smells! And it is so nice to look up in the sky at night and see a sea of stars without lights or buildings blocking the view. Sure, it’s where I grew up and it’s a part of who I am and who I always will be, but I finally feel like I can say, with confidence, that I am a country girl and that it’s something I am quite proud of. It’s not just a feeling; it’s a way of life. J “This is me. Take it or leave it. My own girl, you better believe it. What you see is what I am and who I wanna be. This is me.”

8. 2012 is about keeping an open mind. I live in Spain. Obviously, I am keeping an open mind about a lot just by making this massive move. But I still tend to be close-minded about some things and I just want to open up and be more accepting and open to trying new things. I don’t want my personal fears to stop me from experiencing great things. For example, I don’t want my fear of heights to stop me from visiting Mt. Olympus or the cliff-side village of Ronda. That’s just a minor example, but the one I came up with off the top of my head. Clint Massey will be making his way to Europe in early June and our adventure is going to provide many opportunities to try new things and experience pieces of culture that may otherwise not been available to us. We can do as much research as we want in regards to the countries we are visiting, but it’s the local customs and people that will provide us with the most enlightening parts of our trip. I think, anyway. I have to keep an open mind about everything because it is not always going to be ‘normal’ by most people’s definition of the word. Not only will an open mind make traveling Europe a better experience, but I think in life, in general, it will help me grow as a person. How can it not? HaHa! So… 2012 is about being open to new experiences, new people, new friends, new traditions… Just… the new. J

9. Don’t be afraid to say what you mean, but be sure to mean what you say. I am getting much better about telling those that I care about that I love them. You really never know when the last time will be the last time and you just always need to make sure those people know that you care. Tomorrow is not promised. That’s always been in my mind, but it’s much more of a reality in my life since my fabulous first cousin, Tina, got diagnosed with cancer. She’s 30 and married with a 5 year old son. While I am still learning about her details, she is a lot of the reason why I want to be more vocal toward the people I care about. Tina’s outlook has been that of strength and confidence. She’s very open about what she is going through. It’s not my story to tell, so I’m not going to elaborate much more. Tina, just know that I think you are courageous beyond your years and I hate that you have to go through something like this. I may not always have the right words to say to you, but the words that I know will always be effective are, “I love you.“ And that will always be true. You inspire me, Tina. I never want the people in my life to question how I feel about them. I never want things to be uncertain or unsaid. I don’t want to be a person that doesn’t say how I feel and regret it later. I don’t like living with regrets. So, my friends, if you hear me say “I love you” a little more often, it’s because I want to be certain you know. And I don’t think that a person can hear those words too many times. J Now, you know that I am not very shy when it comes to speaking my mind in most cases. I like that I am not afraid to say how I feel, but I also need to be more considerate of others feelings. And if I am going to say something, I want to make sure I mean it. I don’t know if this sounds like a broken record to you, but it sounds good to me, haha. J

10. Worry less. Relax more. Man, any of my real friends know that worrying is a big part of who I am. I do it far too much and over things that really shouldn’t be an issue. I don’t want to go into crazy detail about some of the things I worry about because there are far too many things. I worry. About everything. One of the biggest things I worry about is inconveniencing my friends or family. I am a pretty independent person, so I don’t tend to ask for help when I should. Anyway… I need to stop my worrying. It is a big fault of mine. I just need to relax and go with the flow. And Spain is the perfect place to support that type of mentality. Personally, I think I’m much more relaxed than when I left this country 3 months ago. There is no doubt that it has definitely affected me a little. I don’t have to be so organized and I am not working on the schedule of other’s. I am working on my own time and my own schedule. I don’t mean that in a negative way. I mean that I am not stringing myself so thin that it just wears me out. I can relax and not plan everything down to the last detail. I won’t stop being an organizer. I will always have a little ‘planner’ in me and I think a little bit is quite ok. J I have Spain to thank for becoming more relaxed and Spain to thank for stressing much less.

10-A. Be a better friend, sister, daughter, niece… person. This is a pretty simple statement and doesn’t really need much defining. I want to be a better all-around person and work on each individual role in the meantime. I want to do more for my friends, be more outgoing with my family, and be more certain of and confident in myself. I just want to be a better person. Starting now.

Well, there’s my list of confessions, etc. J If I choose to push the publish button at the bottom of this, I will have exposed myself to a bunch of people that, in any other circumstance, I never would have exposed myself to. You now know my weaknesses. Well, what I have considered weaknesses in the past, I guess. But all of my weaknesses and strengths make me who I am. I guess you’ve just got to take it or leave it. J If 2012 isn’t a great year, then it’s because I didn’t try. It’s because I didn’t let it be a great year. I have a couple friends that are crossing the Atlantic to see me in April. I will be spending half a summer traveling Europe with one of my favorite people in 2012. Not to mention, I will be living in Spain. How can 2012 be bad? There will be no one to blame but myself if it does not turn out to be a stellar year. J If you’re still tuned in, I want to wish you all your best year yet! Cheers to 2012!! Much love!!

There's No Place Like Home

Well, hello from Kansas!

As many of you now know, I surprised my family for Christmas this year.  There's no place like home for the holidays.  Here's a short version of my story:

With the help of one of my favorite people, Clint Massey, I decided to come home about a month and a half ago.  It would only work if I had assistance on this side of the world.  That assistance came from Clint who kept my secret and helped work things out on this side.  He picked me up at the airport and delivered me to the ranch on the 17th.  We surprised Garrett, Janet, and Dad.  Trent and Abby came Sunday along with the rest of the Domnick clan at the Christmas gathering.  A few reactions were pretty funny.  After Dad got over the idea of me 'lying to him,' I think he's pretty okay with me being here.  :) 

I went back to Hays with Clint on Sunday evening to continue on with the surprises.  We visited the Blurtons first.  Monday evening was the bar staff Christmas party.  It went well, I think!  It was nice to see some of my old co-workers.  It would have been fun to catch some reactions on video, haha.  It was a lot of fun.  I crashed in Hays for a few days and got to eat at some of my favorite places in town.  It was nice to just relax.  

I am now out at the ranch for the next week and I'm looking forward to some more family time.  I will be making another trip to Hays for New Year's.  I head back to Spain on January 5th for the remainder of school year.  I'm sure this time will fly by, but I am very much looking forward to it. 

I apologize for the deception in some of my posts, but I had to make sure everyone believed it.  :)  I will be visiting friends in England sometime... just not over Christmas.  :) 

I've told him about a hundred million times, but one last time (we'll see if he actually reads my blog), I want to say a massive 'THANK YOU' to Clint Massey!  You, sir, are one of a kind and I'm proud to call you my friend.  I can't wait until you get to Europe! :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! 

A Letter to My Family

I changed my mind... I wasn't planning on doing another entry before I leave for holiday, but I got to thinking about some things and thought I'd make an entry that singled out some of my family... since it's the holidays. :) Kind of a public letter to my family... Now, the whole WORLD will know how I feel, haha!

Dear John Vestal Cook,

First and foremost, I love ya! I know that this move in my life is something that you would never have imagined you'd have to deal with. It's something that I never thought would be even a possibility. But, alas, we are a third of the way through this 'journey' of mine. You were the hardest person for me to say goodbye to. And you were the one I was most concerned about keeping in touch with while I was away. The Skyping thing seems to be working for us fairly well and it really helps me (I hope you know this) being able to see you. You don't seem so far away from the computer screen. :) I'm glad we've figured out some sort of schedule with that and it seems to make time go by quicker, if that makes sense. I just want to say that I appreciate that you supported me (in your own sort of way) in making this decision. I know that the holidays are going to be a little tough, but I think we're strong enough to come out on top. :) I look forward to 'seeing' everyone for the Christmas gatherings at the ranch. I know I'm not going to be there, but you should save a seat on the couch for me for the Chiefs/Packers game. Put a picture of me there or something, haha! :) I'm going to try to call that day about 2:30 your time so that I can maybe hear a bit of the game in the background. :) Our two teams fighting it out... Well, let's be honest, there probably won't be much fighting coming from the Chiefs. It'll be more like comedy hour for the Chiefs. HaHa! Anyway... I know that the days of the gatherings are going to suck. I promise that no matter where I am, I will want to be there... and I will be... in spirit. :) "I'll be home for Christmas... if only in my dreams." :) I love you a lot, John Cook.

Dear Janet,

Well, I have to put out there that you were one of my biggest supporters in doing this. You never pushed it, but you never squashed it. You always made it feel like it was my decision and you'd be on board no matter what. For that, I appreciate you. And the Christmas package was amazing! Obviously, the ranch dressing and lemon pepper made the top of my list, personally, but all the other goodies were great surprises! I liked getting to open a couple little things, too. HaHa! I think I was smiling for a good while just outta excitement for Christmas. :) It's good to feel the love through the distance. :) Thanks for becoming a friend and person that I can trust and rely on. You are a great person and I look forward to what the future possibilities of our friendship can become. I love you!

Dear Trent, Abby, & Miss Lynnon,

It makes me sad that I am not there to watch Lynnon in the earlier part of her life where she is developing all her personality traits and figuring out how to become mobile and climb all over and get into everything. The pictures make me sad and happy, both. And Skyping on occassion is definitely awesome, even though she doesn't know that she's 'talking' to me, haha. :) Anyway, you guys are awesome and I am very proud of the parents you are. Trent, especially. I still can't believe I have a little brother that has an 11 month old daughter. She's the spitting image of you. You are a fantastic father and I love seeing that. Thanks for sending me pictures and keeping me in mind even though I'm so far away. Love you all.

Dear Garrett,

Little big brother... You, sir, are an amazing man. You've taken on more in your young life than many people will take on in their lifetime. I know it isn't easy and may never be, but I'm confident in your ability to make it work. I look up to you, both literally and figuratively. Thank you for letting me live in your home for a month before I took off on this adventure of mine and thanks for helping handle business while I am away. :)  You're one of my best friends.  I love you, Garr.

Dear Brad, Regan, Reese, & Aidan,

Big brother and family... You guys have helped me out so much! Aside from giving me a car for my last month and a half, haha,  you're so easy to talk to! You've been a great support when I need to talk to someone and there isn't anything that I could tell you that you'd judge me for. Your honesty, support, and love means the world to me. Reese and Aidan are two pretty fantastic kids. I was looking through some old pictures and found some of Aidan when he was brought home... They've gotten so big and they're becoming good little people. :) I love you all.

I obviously have many more family members and they have all been super supportive in this massive step I've taken. I would love to single you all out, but I'm running out of time and I wanted to be sure to get this publicized so everyone knows how grateful I am to my family! I'm grateful to all of you, please know that.

I am also very fortunate to have plenty of friends in my life that I consider as close as family and I think they know who they are. I wanted this entry to just be about my immediate family.

Ok, in the spirit of the holiday season, I wanted to show my appreciation for my family. I am going to miss them this Christmas, but it'll be ok. :)

Con Amor...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Feliz Navidad!

Merry Christmas, Friends and Family!

I apologize that I have taken a small break from blogging. It wasn't intentional. I just didn't have access to the internet as much as I wanted to. The library and other places were closed a lot of last week due to the holiday. So, that's my excuse, haha!

This will be my last December entry from España! In fact, this will probably be my last entry for the year! I am leaving on Thursday for Madrid to catch my flight on Friday morning! I'm really excited! I can hardly wait for this last week of school to get started and over with already. This holiday season seems a little bittersweet. I am very excited to see a new country and visit friends I haven't seen in ages. It will be a lot of fun and my first real tale of adventure for you. :) I may seem strong and certain about things right now and I am definitely very excited, but I also am fairly certain that being absent from the familial celebrations won't be as easy as I have imagined in my head. Obviously, I am very aware that I will miss my family, but I do have Skype dates planned for the Christmas gatherings at the ranch, so I can see everyone. :) It'l be tough, but will only make me stronger, I think. :) And we can survive anything for awhile, right, Dad? :)

So, I went to Jaén yesterday with Stef and Nicola. We went to a few shops and I got a cute outfit for New Year's that I am excited to wear. :) It's different from a lot of things I wear, but I think it's fun! We'll see!! HaHa! :) I do have kind of a funny story. It's also a bit gross, so consider yourself warned... Skip the next paragraph if you don't want to read it, haha...

So, we went to Carrefour. This is the place that has a mall-like shopping center on the outside and toward one end and, in the center, there is a Wal-Mart-like place. :) We decided to grab a bite to eat. They don't have a 'food court,' but they had a little restaurant in the center with tables spread out everywhere. It looked like a food court, but we had a waiter and ordered at the table. Anyway, the three of us ordered an appetizer each planning on sharing. We also got a tapa. This tapa was a nut mix. There were corn-nuts, cashews, almonds, etc... you get the idea. I wanted to munch on the corn-nuts, so I did. In fact, I probably ate the majority of them. Anyway, the corn-nuts were gone, so I was getting started on the peanuts. I had a couple and then went to grab another one and Nicola slapped my hand away. I looked at her like, "What the hell?" She just shook her head and smiled. I wasn't sure what was going on and I'm quite sure my facial expression said the same thing. The waiter was at our table taking our coffee order, so Nicola just pointed to the plate that the nuts were on. On it, was a freakin' maggot!! It was alive and just crawling freely among the nuts and cashews. I am quite sure my face turned white and I was ready to throw up my lunch. We pointed it out to the water who made a "Ew, gross" face and then took the plate off our table and finished taking our order for coffee. ???? Stef and Nicola then told me about how maggots are used in making some cheeses... Um, what?! I had no idea and the idea completely disgusts me! I love cheese... but may love it less now. Just a side note: Nothing was done as far as discounting or whatever in regards to finding a maggot in my food. I think that's normal. HaHa! I'm just really hopeful that I didn't eat a couple before I found that guy... Ugh... makes me wanna throw up a little bit, haha!

Ok, so that's my gross story. Sorry... I just had to share. HaHa!

Well, I got my hair done. As always, when I move to a different location, it takes me a long time to find someone I trust to do my hair. I get very nervous, haha! Stef is crazy good at what she does, though, and while I may have made her nervous with my nerves, she did a fantastic job. It's different and I thought I would freak out when I saw it, but I actually really like it. I'm still getting adjusted to walking past the mirror and seeing it, haha... but it's one of my favorites, by far. I will be sticking with Stef for as long as I am here and I feel no nerves anymore, haha! Thanks, Stef!! Whenever I get a good picture taken, I will post it so you all can see the result. :) Dad & Janet were able to see it and they didn't really have the best reactions, so I hope it's cute. I guess it doesn't matter as long as I like it, right? HaHa!

One frustrating part about the village is the bus system. On holiday's, the buses do not run. I could have joined Joanne this past weekend/week or went on an excursion of my own, but buses don't run on Sunday's or holiday's. It makes it really hard to get out of town sometimes. If I wanted to leave on a Thursday after class, then I'd have to be sure to catch a bus back to the village on a Saturday. It doesn't make for a whole lot of time to really enjoy an excursion. I am thinking about seeing if I can switch my schedule when I get back from England to have Monday's off instead of Friday. We'll see how that works out. That way, I can be gone from Friday to Monday. Perfect. HaHa!

Nicola taught me how to make traditional Spanish tortillas! They are more like omelettes than tortillas by our definition of the word. They are really simple to make and quite tasty. The main ingredients in many dishes here are potatoes and eggs, which is what the tortillas are made of. Most dishes also contain garlic, onion, and olive oil in some way, shape or form, as well.

I received my Christmas package from my family on Friday. It had ranch dressing and lemon pepper in it! YUM! I used them both directly, haha! I had to! :) I can't believe it'd been over two months since I had any ranch dressing. That, in itself, is pretty amazing, haha! The package also had a great pair of K-State slippers that have been a godsend! They are so warm! They definitely make having to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night much more bearable, haha! :) Big thanks to Dad and Janet for the package. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, haha. :) Also, thanks to Grandma Teresa for sending a Chiefs shirt with it! I'm never disappointed with Chiefs stuff! (I'm not talking about actual games... 'cuz Heaven knows I'm disappointed on a regular basis when it comes to actual game results!)

You may not hear from me again until next year. :) I am taking my computer on holiday, but don't plan on sitting next to it the whole time, haha! I will keep a journal throughout and have an earful for you in 2012 and let you know how the break went. So, in closing, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! I hope this finds you all well and in good health and happiness!

Much love!