The penultimate entry! I chose a song that no one was even close to guessing when I posed the question on Facebook. To be honest, a week ago, I didn't know it was even going to make the list, but it came on my playlist shuffle the other day and I took the time to listen to the words and they spoke to me. I allowed them to speak to me and they moved me enough to include them in my 31 songs of 31 days! Surprised? Read through the lyrics... It may make more sense then. The video is posted on the bottom of the entry, so feel free to watch it. She has a really beautiful voice!
Two years ago...
"I don't wanna be left behind. Distance was a friend of mine. Catching breath in a web of lies, I've spent most of my life riding waves, playing acrobat. Shadow-boxing the other half. Learning how to react. I've spent most of my time...Catching my breath, letting it go. Turning my cheek for the sake of the show. Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told what's supposed to be right."
This is exactly me even just 8 or 9 months ago, to be honest. Distance is the first thing I would put between me and whatever scared me or intimidated me. We were besties! I tried so hard to keep up with what others (and myself) expected. I played the puppet on the strings and danced to the music that others suggested was the appropriate beat for me. Not always! But internally, I was fighting a battle to keep up. I became a very reactive person and usually in a negative and dramatic fashion. I'm not going to regret anything because that is part of my story and it contributed to the growth I've made to this point, but sometimes I think about what I could have missed during my impulsive reactions. I can't dwell on that, of course, because I don't want that negativity sitting in my heart and soul. That's why I can relate so well to this song... It's as if she wrote it for me. Too often I turned the other cheek or settled for mediocrity, when I should have faced things head on and shot for the moon. I'm learning, though, so...
Fast forward to the present tense:
"Catch my breath, no one can can hold me back. I ain't got time for that. Catch my breath, won't let them get me down, it's all so simple now."
If you don't want to know the truth about my feelings in any given situation, please don't ask unless you are prepared for the answers, including the ones that you may not want to hear. I've paid a lot of money to learn how to say things in a constructive way, so I won't be a bitch about it, I promise. I've always been vocal about my opinions, but not necessarily in a good way for myself or for anyone else. Grad school has made the whole picture that is my life become so much more clear. It really is simple when you are looking at it through a different lens and with an open mind and heart. It's not easy to actually apply at times, but the whole concept makes so much sense! I don't have time for things that are going to hold me back and keep me from my progress. Zero time.
"Addicted to the love I found. Heavy heart, now a weightless cloud. Making time for the ones that count. I'll spend the rest of my time laughing hard with the windows down, leaving footprints all over town. Keeping faith, Karma comes around. I will spend the rest of my life...Catching my breath, letting it go. Turning my cheek for the sake of the show. Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told what's supposed to be right."
In my perspective, the 'love' she is referring to in this set of lyrics is my own self-love. I've become addicted to the need to love myself. I believe that if I can master that, things will begin to fall into place. I used to have a very heavy heart, full of negativity, but I'm working on morphing it into a weightless cloud. And it's working. My favorite line in this set of lyrics is "making time for the ones that count." That is my biggest change in 2017, aside from my physical health. I'm so over putting effort into relationships that do not give me anything in return. I am committed to making time for the people in my life that make time for me. If that means that I have to make choices that are not acceptable to some, I will do that. And I won't apologize for it. I want to spend my time enjoying all of the small things and rather than leaving footprints all over town, I intend to leave footprints all over the globe! And whether or not you believe in Karma, I will put out good juju so that the good karma comes back to me in all her glory. I want to believe that what I put out, I will get back in return. So I'm going to do my part to make sure that what I put out is positive.
I will no longer be turning my cheek. I'm going to embrace everything and make this my life. It feels different this time. It feels more permanent. You all now have a more clear picture of who I am as a person through this blog. I hope that it has came across very clearly that I am not going to be told what is supposed to be right and how I should be living. This is my life.
"Catch my breath, no one can hold me back. I ain't got time for that. Catch my breath, won't let them get me down, it's all so simple now."
Enough said. It is all so simple now. I see things differently. I feel things differently. I talk differently. I experience life differently. And it's so much better for me and far more beneficial than I ever imagined!
"You helped me see the beauty in everything."
The "you" in this goes to many things and people. I'm not going to list all of them. They know who they are. I love that the fog has cleared and I'm able to see so much more beauty... In everything.
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