Present Tense

Pearl Jam. Yes.

I chose this song to represent something that I am attempting to master on a daily basis and it has been a considerable challenge for me. Mindfulness... Have you heard of it? Well, let me tell you... I hated it when they introduced it at school. Why, you ask? I'm so glad that you did, because I'm going to tell you. 

They introduced mindfulness to as in the form of these exercises in class where we'd have to sit with our feet flat on the floor, hands to our side, back straight, eyes closed, and mind open... Do you get the picture? Okay, now a professor starts the mindfulness exercise using a sweet, angelic voice that would seem silly to anyone walking by that was not aware of what was going on. The professor would encourage us to find where our anxiety (or whatever emotion/feeling we desired to locate) was within our body. Uuummmm??? They would then guide us through a series of statements encouraging us to locate the emotion/feeling and "travel" it through our body. They encouraged us to identify which direction it was moving and then try to move it the other direction. 

Let me tell you how it went for me inside my head: "Ok, this is annoying, I hope this exercise doesn't last very long. There is definitely stress in my shoulders. They want me to "move" it? What? That seems silly. I'm sleepy. I wish we could take this time to take a nap since our eyes are closed. I probably should have taken a nap yesterday when I had the chance. Did I fill out that weekly supervision report? I wonder if we have a quiz tonight? I didn't read all of the chapters, so I'm hoping we don't, because I doubt I do very well. Oh well. It is what it is. I wonder what I will do during supper break? Panera sounds good. Sometimes I wish we'd just skip supper and they'd let us out early so I could get home quicker. I'm just so tired! I guess I shouldn't have stayed up catching up on Game of Thrones. Daenerys and her dragons were amazing, though! I can't wait for her to meet up with Jon Snow someday. Speaking of snow, I think I read that there is a potential for snow at Arrowhead this weekend. It's going to be cold. I hope I still have enough hot hands for my feet and hands. I better check when I get home."

Did you see what I did there? I went from acknowledging the annoyance of the activity to having hot hands for Arrowhead Stadium on the weekend. I promise you that all happened within a couple of minutes, too! My brain does not want to quiet down enough to focus on where something that cannot be touched is located in my body. And then move it? And turn it? No freaking way! I cannot stand these exercises!! My brain is always going and always thinking about what comes next or what I should/could be doing that it cannot focus on doing some activity that seems to take away from the "to do" list of the day. If I'm being honest (an I am), this is what happens at night when I'm trying to go to bed, too. But they make a pill for that.

Now! That said! I DO love the part of mindfulness that encourages a person to increase awareness of their awareness. Does that make sense to you? Fear not, I will explain...

This is where Present Tense by Pearl Jam comes into play. I thought it was a perfect song for this particular topic. The pictures are the primary lyrics from the song and I'll elaborate through those. So, let's begin...

                                   

Awareness of awareness. I would be lying if I said that I completely understood what that mean when it was introduced to us. But now, I get it. And I preach it to all of my clients, probably at least once in a session. All it means, in my own words of course, is that it is important to take the time to recognize your surroundings and in that recognition, practice appreciation for the tiny things that you take for granted. A common way I use to explain this to clients is to practice your five senses, but take it to a different level. For instance, when I go on my walks now, I use all of my senses to take in my surroundings. 

Sight: I can see that the grass is different shades of green. I can see the varying sizes of trees and then take some time to consider the amount of storms, literally, those trees have survived to continue standing today. I see cars pass by me as I walk. I can see vultures flying above the wooded areas surrounding the lake and I consider that there is probably something dead within those woods that is attracting them to that area. I can see the tiny trails of the bug prints that indicate they have made the massive (in their tiny worlds) crossing of the dirt roads. 

Touch: I feel the breeze on my skin (hopefully... Considering it's summer in Kansas). I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and, most often, I can feel the sweat pouring down my face! I can feel the rocks beneath my feet as I walk and I notice the pavement as my shoes make contact.

Smell: This one depends on where I'm walking. If I'm walking the lake, I can often smell the natural smells of nature itself. On some specific sections, I can smell the awful odor of dead fish or moss. Dogs take walks on the trails with their owners, so even their excrements (like my fancy term?) are in the air. Sometimes, I get whiffs of my deodorant (thank heavens!). If a car passes, I can smell the dust it stirs up or the exhaust from it's tail end. The options are endless if you take the time to really pay attention.

Sound: Primarily, I hear the music flowing through my earbuds. I hear the words of the artists speaking to me. But I take it in. I listen to each piece of the lyrics and I try to apply it to myself. It's a lot of the inspiration for this blog venture. Between songs or if I happen to have my earbuds out (not often), I can hear dogs barking or cars driving. I can hear the crunch of my feet on the ground on which I walk. But mostly, I let the lyrics speak to me.

Taste: I walk with a fresh stick of gum nearly every time I walk, so the taste I recognize is that of my minty Five gum. I also carry Chapstick as if my life depended on it, so there are times I taste the after effects of my Burt's Bees. If I fail to bring gum, I tend to taste a dry mouth and get that cottony sensation that I loathe so much. Occasionally, I taste the dust stirred up by passing vehicles if it is the lake that I am walking that day.

The point of this long winded explanation is that I am so much more aware of what is going on around me. And this method of mindfulness can be practiced anywhere at anytime. I use it while driving. It honestly makes me a much more attentive driver (unless someone is waving at me... I pay attention to the car and not the person most times, so please don't be offended if I fail to wave). I acknowledge the environment in which I am and that allows me to be so much more present in what I am doing. That lesson applied in context of everyday life allows me to be more present with my clients, my friends, my home, my family, etc. Rather than allowing myself to think about what's going to happen or worry about things from the past, taking the time to be fully present in whatever moment you are in makes a person (at least it does for me) so much more grateful for the little things. 

Try it. Next time you are out to eat, check out your surroundings down to taking the bite of your food. What is its texture? What is its temperature? Is it sweet? Is it salty? Practice mindfulness in this way and you will become a much more tolerant and patient person. It's worth it!

       

Pearl Jam has such deep songs. (Sorry, Laura... You know I love PJ!!) This section of the song really reminds me of how important it is to stay focused on the present. EVERY single person has a past that adds to who they are today. Those people that continue to dwell on the past will continue to sit in misery and not gain any power over those regrets. I am a firm believer in that it is not the things that you do that you regret. It's what you DON'T do. I may (and often do) make mistakes at what I choose to do, but I will not let it define me and I REFUSE to regret it because there is absolutely NO point in allowing that negativity to sit with you. It does no good to dwell on what you "should have" done. Focus on what you can do... Today. Focus on what the present moment offers you and take advantage of the opportunity that today brings. You can be sorrowful about mistakes made, but don't regret it. Because in that moment, it is what you meant. It is how you felt. And how you feel is NOT wrong, regardless of if others are telling you it is. You are allowed to feel how you want to feel, don't regret that. Embrace it. And realize that YOU are the only one who can or can't forgive yourself. Do you want to sit with that forever? It's not worth it. When I said be humble and kind in a previous post, that applies to yourself as well. Treat yourself just as good. Forgive yourself for the mistakes. Learn from them and move forward.

I don't feel like I need to say more here. The final photo say it all. Don't dwell on the past or put too much weight on what the future holds. Make today your bitch. Live it as if it's your last (that's so cliche, but it makes sense in this context). Enjoy the smiles of your children, the clothes on your back, the wind in your hair, the color of the flowers in your gardens, the smell of supper cooking, the taste of your toothpaste after you brush, and the sound of your dog barking in excitement to see you. Enjoy the small things.