Why 'slowly?' It is because I need to learn to practice patience a little more. It's something I struggle with and I've been trying to understand why it is such an issue with me. I need to slow down and relax much more often. What is the point in moving through life so quickly or trying to force something? Recent situations in my life have made me really ponder about my issue with practicing patience, so I'm going to use this outlet to process it. Any insight would be welcome!
I decided that I'm going to use a lot of quotes in this entry. I searched to find some that spoke to me and what I would like to achieve in the future as I continue to make progress in my life. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, so why should I want to take the easy route? Obviously, it would be a quicker way, but what about all the things I could miss through the process of getting to the endpoint. So quote number one... I may actually make this my wallpaper so that I have to read it every day. That's also something I try to do as this newer version of me unfolds. The more I say it out loud and repeat it to myself, the more I believe it. Patience is a huge piece of the mindfulness puzzle that I am trying to put together. When I know something for certain or I believe in something so deeply, I just want to get to it quickly. But all good things come in time, right? Right. I just have to keep that on repeat!
This one is totally me in a nutshell! It is a perfect reflection of what I am currently experiencing and being challenged by. This struggle applies a lot to relationships of mine in the past and present, but I'm hoping to make enough progress that it has less power over the future ones. This is one area where the "go big or go home" mantra should not be applied. I often want something so badly that I tend to press it too quickly and end up ruining it before it evens begins!
I am totally guilty of over-thinking and analyzing. To be honest, I think that has increased since I joined my profession as a therapist. It is now my job to analyze body language, voice tones, etc. Because I practice that regularly, I tend to carry it over into my personal life. I don't feel like it's completely negative, though, because it definitely makes me much more aware of things and capable of reading between the lines.
I'm certainly a dreamer. I have big dreams and imagine big things for myself. While my dreams/goals are within reason, sometimes I set my expectations a bit too high. And when they don't get met, I am really critical of myself first. And then, I become very negative about whatever circumstance I'm in at the moment. I question things. I wonder what I did wrong or how I may have made the situation worse.
Enter worry and doubt. As you've learned, I have struggled with being a "Negative Nancy" for a lot of my life. It's something I am working very hard to change. In doubting myself for so much of my life, that has made it much easier for me to quickly doubt others. Maybe I question their motives or doubt their authenticity. It says a lot more about me than it does them, though, that's for sure. While I am very much gaining ground in the positivity department, I need to trust in others and give them the opportunity to succeed before I automatically go into doubt mode.
I remember someone telling me that "if you worry, does it change the outcome?" I can't remember who that was, but it stuck with me! And I remind myself of it all the time when I begin to let worry creep in. Me worrying about the situation is not going to change how it turns out, so essentially, what is the damn point? Whatever is going to happen is going to happen, so I just need to let it be, right? So much easier said than done, obviously, but I am working on it. And it is getting much better!
Here's another point to support the importance of positivity. I let that doubt or negativity sink in and patience essentially becomes non-existent for me! I have become so much more positive, so the good attitude piece is coming along quite nicely. I just need to add it to the waiting part.
I try!! I need to work on finding constructive things to do in the meantime. As I've said, I'm an over-thinker. If I am allowed too much time to sit idly with my thoughts, then that increases the probability that I will let the thoughts become victorious, if you will. To be honest, I'm not really sure I ever stop thinking. I was told recently that my mind runs like a "hamster." It's the first time I'd been told that and it was like a light turned on in my brain! It's so true, but it's also giving me a lot of credit. I think my mind is more like a hamster on speed. It doesn't stop. So! To the point of this quote, I need to find something else in the meantime, right? I have Chiefs football starting soon, so that'll definitely be a resource for my energy and thoughts. BUT! With that adds 4 hours on the road (one way) and I tend to do a TON of thinking in the car... so is that even accurate to say it'll take away from my constant wheel of thoughts? Perhaps not. When I walk, I listen to music, but the lyrics make me think. (The whole blog is dedicated to this, right?) The more I type and process this, the more I feel like this quote is an impossible task for me! I don't know what to do in the meantime. I don't sleep well at nights because my mind races... when does it stop? No clue.
This one is super deep, haha. Much more than I intended to go in this entry, but I wanted to note a couple things that stood out to me and why I chose to include it. I'll begin with the patience piece since that is what this entry is about. The thing I wanted to highlight is that it says to be patient with both friends and enemies. I like that it acknowledges that you still need to practice patience with those you may not be aligning with. By doing this, you can allow things to just be as they are and accept people for who they are... without raising expectations and hopes that they will "change" to get better. In school, we were told, "When people show you their true colors, believe them." Too often, I get caught up in trying to change those colors or make excuses. How is that going to benefit anyone? It's not.
The second thing I want to pull out of this quote is the compassion for self part of it. I was speaking with a coworker the other day about self-esteem and self-confidence. She said she'd recently read an article about how we needed to change the way we phrase that. Confidence can lead to arrogance if not managed appropriately, but if we practice self-compassion, we learn to love ourselves on a different level. It's not about being confident for others, it's about loving who we are... flaws and all.
I don't think I really need to say anything else about this one. It is absolutely directly to the point & an amazing little quote. Soak it in!
I want to end on a note that gives myself a reframe and a positive spin on this patience practice I need to work on. If you think about it, on one hand, I'm incredibly patient. Look at the weight loss goals and my push for a complete emotional overhaul in 2017. That stuff did not happen overnight. I've had to practice patience with myself, especially on the days that the scale would go up instead of down. I have to constantly remind myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I just need to apply that same concept in all areas of my life. I'm completely capable. I just need to get out of my own head!
A final thought I have about this topic is that part of my need for instant gratification is totally culture-based. Our culture moves at warp speed. We always have something going on and need to get things done to move on to the next thing on our list. Fast food & 2-day shipping have contributed to the society as a whole becoming less patient. There is an expectation that we need outcomes immediately. When I moved to Spain, I took my American fast-paced way of life with me. I quickly learned that everything was "tomorrow" and I needed to adjust my own personal expectations to fit my surroundings. I was stressed about it for a long while, but once it became habit, it was wonderful! When dinner would take 3 hours (and not start until 10:30, mind you), I became much more grateful for the time spent where I was and who I was with. I no longer needed the quick answer or that instant fix. I became flexible to my environment. I feel like that's what I need to remember here. I came back to the states and, while I would say I'm still (more) relaxed, I have certainly gone back to the need for a quick fix. I need to take what I learned and applied while living in Spain and practice it here. I'm not saying fast-paced is bad. I just need to move a little more "slowly." Des-pa-cito.
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