This is just the audio version of Bob Marley's Three Little Birds, so there's nothing special to the video. But as always, the lyrics are the important part.
This person is one of my favorite individuals on this planet. I tell him I'm grateful for him often, but I don't think he understands how much. So, I'm going to put it on here for everyone to see... This is Paco. He's an absolutely beautiful person on the inside and out and I am so incredibly grateful that I get to have him in my life.
Spain... I cannot tell you how much I love that country. The people, the culture, the scenic views, the laid-back attitude, the family dynamics, the openness to 'outsiders' like me, etc. I could go on & on... And I will in a little bit. This picture was taken during one of our lunches on the beach. I just liked the perspective. It all comes down to awareness of awareness and I love taking pictures that challenge me to see things from a different angle.
I've already mentioned that 2017 started off really rough with the loss of my grandfather. Work was not going so well. Family life was at an all-time low. School was stressing me to the max. My internship was the beacon of light in all the madness, but all of the other pieces were too heavy for me. I began to feel like I wouldn't survive and that I could not breathe. In reaching out to one of my best friends, she suggested I look into taking a week off of everything and allowing myself to take care of ME without thinking of the stress of life. It sounded great in theory, but I was already miles behind my peers in clinical hours and I honestly figured supervisors and professors wouldn't want to allow that freedom when there was so much to do to meet program standards. I was wrong and I probably should have known better. They understand mental health better than anyone I know, so why wouldn't they take my concerns to heart? They did. I spoke to each of them individually and without hesitation, they agreed that time away would do me a lot of good, so I began looking.
I looked into other options for solo trips, but I also reached out to Paco just to say hello. It had been 2 years since we even spoke, but it picked up as if a couple days had passed. Long story short, he invited me to come to Spain. How could I refuse? It had been 5 years since I'd been there and seen my friends and I needed a week in a place that I knew would make me happy. Spain was definitely that place.
This amazing person with Paco & I is Paula. She played hostess to us for a couple days in Valencia and I made a new friend for life. I loved how open she was with me about what she is experiencing and going through in her life. I loved how quickly we developed a friendship that I am confident will last a lifetime. We speak fairly regularly since I returned and I can't wait to get back there to see her.
I'm going to apologize in advance if this entry is a little long. It's going to take some extra words for me to clearly express how impactful this trip was to me. First and foremost, it came at a point in my life where I needed the space to get away and think. I needed the space to be absolutely present in my environment and not worry about work, school, family, friends, etc. From the moment I hit the airport in Wichita, I had an open mind and an open heart for a part of my personal legend to be fulfilled and discovered while I was on this trip. It started at the airport, I took in my surroundings and took time to be mindful (there's that word!) of who was around me. I took the time to smile at others. Some reciprocated the smile, some were in a hurry to catch their connecting flights. Either way, I took the time to do what I could do to make the trip a more positive experience from the beginning for myself and for others
I had to do a little navigating on my own to get to Valencia. It was stressful, I won't lie, but I arrived safe and sound and, after a brief wait, I was reunited with Paco. We walked through the streets of Valencia to Paula's flat and I took a quick inventory of the smells of my own body and cleaned up briefly as we were heading out immediately
I am not going to go through each day and what we did. That would take ages and, to be honest, I don't want to. It was amazing. I'll just say that. I suppose if you have questions, you can check out my Facebook page or send me a message and I can elaborate further. For now, however, I am going to focus on how this trip impacted me... Because remember, this blog is about MY journey of health and happiness. Haha!
I cannot describe the intense feeling of happiness and calm that I felt landing at Barajas (the airport in Madrid). I had flown for hours and was ready for a shower, but I felt so incredibly at peace. My luggage arrived and I made all my cab/train connections to Valencia without issue. Peace. That's the theme of this. I felt so at peace.
I spent my time in Spain without making any specific schedule. We knew we'd catch the Fallas when I got there and that's about all I can remember actually scheduling. It was incredible. I also think it has a lot to do with the culture itself, but I absolutely love that. We are so fast paced and need instant gratification here in the States, that we don't take the time to enjoy our surroundings. We don't take time to appreciate the little things. Maybe some people do! I'm not trying to lump everyone together, but as a society, we could benefit from slowing down and having an improved awareness of our surroundings and situations (mindfulness, I tell you... it's the foundation!).
Paco played host to me for an entire week. Again, we went in without a schedule and I simply allowed him to show me his world. It, like him, was beautiful! I want to note two trips we took. The first was a trip to Guadalest, a castle atop a mountain overlooking a beautiful lake.
The view from the top was simply magical, Paco thought it was important that we go down to the dam so that I could have a visual of what the castle looked like from below. I'm ALL for spontaneous decisions, so he spoke with a local who provided directions to get down the mountain and to the dam. We took off in that direction to discover that the road was closed. Paco decided to use his Google Maps to find the next best route, so we began to follow that... The first indication that it was a bad idea was a 45 degree angle that I had to turn to get down this road, but he assured me that we'd be fine. I trust Paco, so I made the turn. We continued down some pavement and then the road turned into rocks... and not just gravel, but those big white rocks. Red flag #2. I told Paco that there was absolutely NO way two vehicles could fit on this 'road' if one was coming up as we were going down. He continued to reference Google Maps and seemed confident, so I followed his lead. The 'road' was as wide as the car I was driving, let me just add that. So here we are... driving down the side of the mountain. From the driver's side window, I could look down and see the steep side of the mountain. I'm not sure if it is appropriate to mention, but I am not a fan of heights... like at all... so this view caused a high level of anxiety, but I pressed on. Our 'road' was winding and steep at times around the walls of the mountain. The voice inside of me was screaming at me that this was not the way to go, but Paco referenced his Google Maps yet again and showed me we were 7 miles from our destination. And then it happened... We turned a corner and there was an avalanche covering the road. Absolutely NO way to get through. None. I forgot to mention that I am driving a manual car because Paco does not drive yet... and it had been at least 5 years since I have driven one... so add that to my stress level. I stepped outside of the car to evaluate my surroundings. I crouched down in a little ball hoping to try to avoid the tears and the rising fear that was begging to allow me to scream at the top of my lungs. But I didn't. I crouched down and I looked at my surroundings in as calm of a manner as I could. I knew there was absolutely NO way I could back up a mountain's steep and winding curves in a manual vehicle on the loose rocks we were sitting upon. And remember, the 'road' was as wide as my car. I attempted to back up on one of the corners, but quickly discovered that if I hit the gas too hard, I'd be flying down the mountain in no time and Paco would have to call my father and discuss how to get my body returned to the U.S., so I stopped. We walked the 'road' to see if there was a potential option to turn the car around and we found an area where we believed it would work. It took a 30 point turn, at least, to get that sucker turned in the other direction. Poor Paco, bless his heart, he just didn't know how he could help me, but he sure tried by clearing space on the side of the mountain. So, we get turned around and have to head back up the mountain. Now, Paco doesn't understand the mechanics of a manual, the rocks, the incline, etc. I put it in first gear and I floored it, essentially, so that we would not catch on the rocks and get slung backwards to our doom. Paco quickly informed me his anxiety was at a 10 (I'd began scaling with him at the beginning of our trip... and 10 was the highest he could go). Once we hit pavement, I stopped to allow my heart to slow down. We made it back into town and went for lunch where a local informed us that Paco had taken us down a HIKING PATH!!! We were so prepared to go to the city and complain, but that shut us up pretty quickly.
So that long paragraph is there to say that I nearly died in Spain. When we got back to his home, we decided to stay in for the night (for obvious reasons) and we processed how close we came to death. We laughed a LOT out of gratitude for life (and my amazing driving skills, right Paco?). When I left the airport on my final day, I asked Paco what his favorite part was and we both acknowledged that day as our favorite part. We nearly died, but we didn't! We survived and we bonded over death, haha! Paco & I became a lot closer that day. And I would bet that he is comfortable with me as a driver now. I will test that theory when I return next year! (You've been warned, Pacito!)
I warned you this would be a long one, so I hope you are still with me... If not, I know my friends from Spain will read through it!
The second story I want to highlight is the moment where I knew that I could choose myself and that I would be okay. Here's where Bob Marley's words apply to this post. I realized that worrying about making everyone else happy wasn't going to do anything for making MYSELF happy. I was sitting peacefully, alone, at the top of La Cruz overlooking the city of Benidorm, Spain, and I listened as each wave hit the shore below me. I watched the sun set over the water. I felt the breeze on my cheeks. I smelled the crisp air from the water below. I sat there alone for awhile and I thought. I thought about my grandpa. I thought about my job. I thought about school and the stress of so many assignments and program requirements. I thought about toxic friendships and why I was holding onto them. I thought about the pain being inflicted because of my family, people I loved and trusted. I just thought. It was here, in this very moment, that I decided that I was going to quit my job when I returned from Spain. I also knew I was going to continue to make changes within myself to help me grow as a person. But most of all, I decided that I could do it... that I could focus on putting my own happiness before that of others and not feel bad about it. A sense of peace and serenity overcame me. In the depths of my core, I knew it was the right choice for me. I will forever be grateful for that moment. Here is a picture of the moment captured in time for me to remember always:
The black spot in the middle of the photo is me... Photo credit to: Paco
This was the view from where I was sitting...
Those were some of the major highlights of my trip. I gained confidence and strength. I gained peace and serenity. And I laughed so much! I laughed with every fiber of my being! And it felt SO good. I was discovering my Personal Legend (for those of you who do not know what I am referring to when I say that, it is from The Alchemist, one of the greatest books ever!).
I was reunited with some people that I hadn't seen in five years, outside of Paco, of course. My first trip didn't provide as much opportunity for us to get to know each other well. I was able to interact with them on a different level this time. Jaime! He is such a wonderful person! Even under the watchful eye of Paco, he helped me sneak more beer (and shots) as we drank until 4:00 in the morning. We laughed as I tried to speak Spanish to him and he tried speaking English with me. I can't wait to see him and Jose again! I saw German, who looked completely different, and once the beer began flowing, he became the same person I remembered! Everyone needs a moment to adjust, myself most of all. I was introduced to numerous people in Valencia and Altea and I have zero complaints about any of them. They were so gracious in allowing me to be a part of their circle for the week. I cannot even begin to express the amount of gratitude I have for all of these individuals. I cannot wait to get back over there and create new memories!! Only this time, Alberto will be around!! And I can catch up with him! I can't wait!!!
I know Paco is going to read this because I've text him that it is coming, so I want to close with another expression of gratitude to him specifically. He allowed me to interrupt his world for a week without any hesitation, and after 2 years of not speaking and 5 years since we'd last actually SEEN each other. I remember telling him that our friendship was weird because that's not something any 'normal' person would do. He got defensive. You remember, Paco? Not in a negative way, but in a way that he did not understand how it was strange at all. He assured me that it was perfectly normal. I accepted that because I believe in Paco and I trust him wholly. Our friendship is something I treasure with my whole heart and Paco, I hope you know that. I'm so proud of who you are becoming and I'm so incredibly lucky to be able to call you my friend. You don't know I took this picture of you, but I'm posting it because I think it reflects the beautiful person that you are. I wanted a candid shot of you laughing because your smile is amazing, but it's hard to hide the camera right in front of your face, so I chose to catch a side profile. This picture, to me, captures who you are. You're a deep thinker with such an incredible passion for whatever you believe in. You are so incredibly talented and smart. You're a wonderful friend and a selfless person. You're a protector and a mentor. You're funny and can become quite deep. But most of all, you are honest and loyal and I absolutely love that about you...
Thank you for reading. And to my Spanish friends, I will see you ALL in January or February!!
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