Paco is working on my tattoo to encompass the concept of roots and wings. The idea I have for the wings piece of the tattoo is a phoenix... Sort of symbolizing the rising up from the flames. I know I've referenced that before, in my Beautiful Pain entry, I believe, so it's not a surprise to any readers that are still with me.
The values I referenced in my Country Strong entry are things that I intend to carry with me wherever I go in this world. It is important for me to carry those values with me always. They can be applied anywhere I go or in any circumstance I'm in. Respect is valuable anywhere in this world. Hard work is valuable anywhere in this world. And honesty & loyalty, my two biggest components, can be effective in any country or company.
I won't repeat each piece of the roots entry, you can look back if you'd like. I want to focus on where I intend to go and how I want to use my wings. I've got all of these ideas of things I'd like to accomplish. Again, I don't want to be repetitive. You can read my entries about my goals and desire to see what this world has in store for me. I'll try my best not to repeat too many things, but I'm sort of just going to go with the flow.
I chose "Not Afraid" for many reasons. The title in itself is powerful enough to me to symbolize the need to embrace the fear and go after what I want. Sometimes the fear occurs directly before some of the most amazing experiences of our lives. I was terrified to move to Spain and it turned out to be the BEST experience of my life. I was terrified to go travel Europe alone, but it was one of the most rewarding experiences I've had to date. Fear can preceed happiness and extreme contentment and help you to know how to navigate those waters.
"I'm not afraid to take a stand. Everybody, come take my hand. We'll walk this road together, through the storm, whatever weather, cold or warm. Just letting you know that you're not alone."
I have gained a lot of confidence this year. I've never really been a person that just sits to the side and watches life happen. I may sit back and watch the lives of others pass by and show curiousity about their stories, but when it comes to my own life, I am fully aware that I am the only one who can make things happen for myself. I'm grateful for the support systems I have in place to ensure that I'm not walking alone through whatever storm I may be experiencing. Because I have such a solid support system, I want to be sure to be that support for others that may be experiencing storms of their own. So, if any of my friends that are reading this is in need of some support, in any way, please reach out to me. I will absolutely walk through the weather with you.
"I guess I to go to that place to get to this one."
I like this part of the song because it is a good representation of the concept that you have to go through the storms to get to the sunshine and rainbows. I've had to go to some dark places to get to the light. But, the major point is that I am here now. I am learning from the storms and darkness and moving forward and trying to be a positive influence on the lives around me. I can use my storms to empower and educate those around me.
In school, we were taught that there would be peaks and pits; happies and crappies; hits & shits, haha! You get the idea. I pass this on to potential clients in our initial intake to educate them that there may be that darkness before the light and to be prepared for what can be found in the dark.
"When I say I'ma do something, I do it. I don't give a damn what you think. I'm doing this for me."
One of my favorite lines in the song! I certainly take opinions into consideration, especially those of the people I value, but in this in end, the decisions I make are going to be for me. Prior to this year, I would have to say that a lot of my decisions were more about how others would feel about them. I've always sort of gone my own direction and I love that, but I allowed the opinions of others to weigh very heavily on me as I made those choices. And sometimes I'd give those opinions too much power and I promise that I missed other opportunities because I was dwelling on those opinions of others. Does that make sense?
In most of my history, if I say I'm going to do something, I generally get it done. That gives me hope for my bucket list! I'm sure that I've said before, but it is incredibly important to me that I don't live with regrets. It is about doing things that make me happy and if that choice turns out to be negative experience, I can learn from it and move on. I don't want to regret the things that I do. It's the things that I don't do that I feel would weigh the most on me. So, no disrespect, but my wings are going to take me to some amazing places and I cannot wait!
"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly. And all those who look down on me, I'm tearing down your balcony."
Again, I'm going to go after what I want with everything I have inside of me. Sure, there'll be lazy days and there'll be days that I want to quit or give up, but the important thing is to keep making progress. Allow those lazy or negative days to have their space and time and then let them keep on moving. I will be who I am supposed to be in my personal legend. And for anyone that looks down on me or attempts to bring negativity into my world, I don't have the time or space for them. If someone wants to look down on me, I will tear down the very pedestal they are standing upon. Not in a malicious or even literal way, I will tear it down in my mind and not allow them to have any type of power over me. I'm making GREAT strides in this area in 2017 and it is only going to get better, I assure you.
"And I just can't keep living this way, so starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage. I'm standing up, I'ma face my demons. I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground. I've had enough, not I'm so fed up. Time to put my life back together right now!"
Through some of the storms in my life, I have really struggled. It's no secret that I started breaking out of my cage on January 1, 2017 and have made some really amazing progress. I'm, literally, facing my demons through this blog. I'm also having very difficult conversations with others in my life that I've held within me for so many years that I always deemed myself too weak for because of the whole vulnerabilit aspect. Well, here I am... Queen of vulnerability! And it's been incredibly powerful. I literally got to the point that I was so fed up about how I spoke to myself and how I treated myself that I made a decision to quit a lot of the negative shit... Completely cold turkey.
During one of the storms, in particular, I spoke with my supervisor at my placement site who is definitely on my side, but she's also capable of providing outside input that helps me understand the views of others, if that makes sense. She taught me one of the most powerful things I've learned this year. And it was something that was so... Obvious... I couldn't believe I hadn't figured it out so much sooner. I was frustrated about some interactions with my family and I could not grasp how they didn't understand what I mean when I spoke to them about it. Then, my fabulous supervisor informed me that it is me and only me going on this journey. I'm making changes to move onwards and upwards in my life, but those changes aren't being made by them. They are not going through the transformation that I am. That does not mean I am any better than them! I want to be very clear about that! It only means that my path is heading in a completely different direction and they are content with where they are. There is nothing wrong with that at all. I just can't expect them to understand the changes occuring within me. And I cannot force them to try. I just need to keep moving forward and hope that eventually, they'll all join me somewhere along the journey.
"I've been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger."
This needs very little interpretation. I've certainly made it clear that the storms that have been through my life, though no more or less signficant than any others, have challenged me to the core at times. But very little can be done to the middle finger. Sometimes, I just need to flip a big "F You" to those storms and not let their damage have any control over me. And as always, I will learn from the experience and move on to await the next round of rain. You know, wings can help me fly above the storms, too, so perhaps that's the route I will go in the future. With wings, I shall fly!
No comments:
Post a Comment